Sunday, May 14th, 2006 -  Celebrate Man Month

For those of us who want to celebrate the finer aspects of having both an X and a Y chromosome. - Greg

Wednesday, November 16th, 2005- Catch the Wave...If You're a Dickhead.

Notre Dame University may be having a fantastic football season, but that may all change if you keep up that asinine wave. - Dan

Thursday, December 9th, 2004 - State of the Andy Address: F**k Dan Glickman and the MPAA and All Those Rich F**kers That Own Everything

Or: I'm pissed because I'm a poor college dropout living in a motel room. - Anderson

Thursday, September 09, 2004 - Bono in the News

That crazy Bono is at it again. Greg likes to make comparisons between him and Jesus too much. - Greg

Sunday May 14, 2006 - The Future of Mars

Lately, NASA's had this thing for sending remote controlled cameras to Mars. Guess how it's going to end? The enslavement of humanity. - Chris

Christmas Day, 2003 - News in Brief

Since you haven't been watching the news over Christmas, we're bringing it to you. - Greg

Friday, September 26th, 2003 - News in Brief

Don't read the whole newspaper. We extrapolated all the good parts. Extrapolated. - Greg and Chris Double-Team

Wednesday, July 16th, 2003 - Shotgunning Beers for America

Between drunken cow-tipping marathons and attempts to assassinate political figures through prayer, certain outspoken political figures are just irritating. - Chris

Wednesday, July 9th, 2003- Anderson Evans' Week in Review

Something's extremely wrong with Andy Evans. Nobody knows what it is, but it hasn't stopped him from bringing the news..- Anderson

Saturday, April 12th, 2003- French Existentialist Philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre Supports War in Iraq

Political extremists might argue but that dead men can't crawl out of their graves to give cryptic lessons of foreign policy and wars, but that's what makes them extremists.- Anderson

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003- The Watery Adventure

Sure, there's a war or two going on at the moment, but local sources are covering topics closer to our hearts - Like the story of a boy who wouldn't let a little thing like a flash flood stop his bike-riding fun..- Dan

Tuesday, March 25th, 2003- Homosexuality Corn: Corn Never Tasted This Exciting

Green Giant is releasing a new product that men everywhere are sure to find stimulating.- Anderson

February 18th, 2003 (Yeah, we're back, jerks) - Living at Code Orange

What a female elementary school teacher turned man has to say about life at Code Orange: Nothing. - Anderson

May 15th, 2001 - Germans Attempt to Act Intelligently, and Fail

When Germans take a break from conquering Poland and attempt to teach their countrymen about nutrition, the result is about as logical as trying to put out a raging fire with kerosene. - Chris

April 6th, 2001 - Carbonated Milk Leaves Consumers Shrugging

People make assumptions all the time. Assuming that adding carbonation to things instantly makes them popular, however, is mistaken. I've downed enough Wal-mart brand cola to fill several swimming pools, and I'm still not winning any elections for public offices. - Chris