When The Man isn't working on his latest upgrade to the machine's central data processing system, do you know what he's doing? Working to make your life worse. Stop attributing your bitterness and angst to the stress filled nature of our world. The weight of the world isn't holding you down. The Man is.

   We've considered ourselves to be freedom fighters since the first time we played Contra, and in accordance with our longstanding tradition of fighting for the forces of justice, we're prepared to inform you (the ignorant masses) of conspiracies and scandals that The Man has unflinchingly withheld from the public eye.

The Count Duckula Revival in Whitwell, Tennessee  - It's coming, ladies and gentlemen, whether your like it or not. You thought he was gone. You thought he was just a cartoon. Well, logic doesn't matter in the back woods of Tennessee. The only thing that matters is power. - Anderson

The Ohio Conspiracy - Ohio gave us flight, Vonnegut, multiple presidents, and a guy who took a game show for six digits. What do they know that we don't?. - Greg

The Encryption of the Soul: A Philisophical Look at Today's Secret Youth Cult...Or: Another Reason to Hate The Man  - If you've ever worn a corduroy blazer just because you listen to alot of Death Cab for Cutie, this article is your wake-up call.. - Anderson

Housewives: How They've Begun the War -Not even city-run garbage management stands a chance against suburban housewives. The Man thinks he can screw with your trash - Don't let him. - Dan

Ronald McDonald Is Going To Kill Everyone, Especially You - He's killing you, one burger at a time - And soon he'll move on to big burgers, and bigger fries, until the entire world is drowning in a sea of Diet Coke and diseased beef. - Chris

Clonaid and Hobbes - How a stuffed tiger was transformed by Vulcan Intelligence. A story of love and bitter betrayal, right and wrong, and ex-president Jimmy Carter.. - Anderson

Turtle Poaching - The Shocking Truth - A startling development in wildlife welfare has come to my attention. It began small, then snowballed into a danger of massive proportions. Now, it's as if that problematic snowball has crashed into a city full of people, burying them under a winter wonderland of terror. - Chris

The Allagash Abductions - Are the Aliens Coming?  -  I realize I’m taunting death. If aliens return to earth and rain down fiery wrath upon us, I’m sure they’ll target me first. And when they’re building an alien city upon the charred remains of Washington D.C., they’ll probably lay their eggs inside of my larynx. But honestly, I’m willing to risk it all for a chance to expose the truth. - Chris